Being A Mom Changes You

Being a mom changes you.  I suppose that isn't true for everyone, but being a mom to a 2 year old and a premie has changed me.  Hayden used to go everywhere with us.  If we decied to run to Walmart, he went.  If we decided to go out for dinner, he went.  We very rarely left him anywhere.  But, since we brought Hunter home from the hospital, we have to plan everything because he can't go out.  Very rarely do Tyson and I get to go shopping together.  We made two trips prior to Christmas, but otherwise either he goes, or I do.  (I am thankful he goes grocery shopping, but he doesn't do it like me, you know :)?)  We mostly stay home with a random trip to my parents and our everyday travels to work.  I have been a bad friend and sometimes, a bad sibling for not remembering things or not being able to things.  I was reminded of just how much things have changed tonight when Hayden says to me (as he is hugging me) "Mommy, you are my very best friend."  This of course made me cry, out of the pure sweetness in his voice and then the truth.  Other than the Christmas season, we have mostly been here with each other.  I can honestly say, that my two year old is one of my best friends.  He makes me smile, cry, and curse all in the same day -- but he loves me unconditionally.  Whether I cry, make a bad lunch, or don't take a shower, he still loves me. We play and talk and teach each other things all the time.  All the things a best friend would!  Other best friends include my husband, mom, and sister.  And all of them do a great job of encouraging me when I am down and listening to my fears.  How different my life is.  And even though somedays I feel lonely and wish I had someone to talk to, I don't know that I would change it.  It's good to know that Hayden feels loved enough by me to say I am his best friend and as far as being lonely from being home, Hunter is growing and developing and overall healthy so we are doing what is best for him.  Being a mom does change a person, but I love being a mom and love the things they have taught me!

Two Growing Boys

Last week, I took Hunter to see Dr. Louck, our family doctor.  The ladies in the front are always so confused as to what "well-visit" we are doing.  Hunter will be 5 months old on Saturday, but adjusted age, he is just over 2 months old.  He was 13 lbs 7 oz and 24 1/4 in long.  He is short and chubby :)  Tyson likes to call him "Thunder Chunky", which cracks me up.  Hunter is overall doing very well, growing and growing!  His umbilical hernia is almost gone, which his tummy look normal.  He has been cooing and "talking" and smiling like crazy!  We enjoy him so very much!  He has taken so much interest in what Hayden is doing that I can just see him catching up so fast with having such an amazing big brother to look up to!  Hunter did have his second round of shots and an RSV shot.  Poor baby did NOT like his shots and screamed for almost five minutes.  He was unsettled and cranky for the rest of the night and most of the day Saturday.  I just kept the Tylenol flowing.  We are keeping his medicines the same for his acid reflux as he still has many signs that he has reflux.  I am breaking up with my pump, so we discussed what type of formula would be good for his sensitive tummy.  The doctor suggested I try regular formula before jumping to the more expensive sensitive tummy formula.  He is using Similac Advanced and I don't notice anymore spitting up.  He is truly a joy and I am so glad that things look good!  We do have to watch one thing.  Hunter has been gagging more and more on his food.  Dr. thought it was more an immature system trying to figure it all out still.  It will probably be quite a while before we try to feed him any type of solids.  Although, Hayden was 5 1/2 months old before he got any solids, so that doesn't seem to odd to me. Watching carefully that it doesn't get any worse.  Still keeping him from large crowds, but are planning on caring out in our Christmas activities.  I am very nervous, but it's a magical time of year for all of us.
Hayden is growing as well. His original pediatrition from Lafayette is moving down south, so we are transferring everything to Dr. Louck.  He hasn't had a well visit in many months, but because we dn't notice anything that has us questioning, we are goign to wait until his 3rd birthday to go.  And I can't believe how fast that will be!  He turns 3 in April, a mere four months away!! I was looking at pictures of him the other day and I can't believe how big he looks now!  He doesn't even look like a toddler anymore, he looks like a boy.  We are working on the potty-training more and more each day.  It's a gradual process and I am just thankful he is interested at this point.  We are putting him in Pull-ups during the day and he doesn't seem to mind those like he used too.  I just keep reminding him that he is a big boy and he seems to take pride in that :).  He is very interested in trains and tractors and is loving Disney movies, which I am enjoying as well.  I forgot how much I love Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin.  This morning, we watched the Christmas movie of Beauty and the Beast.  And tonight, we watched Charlie Brown Christmas.  Hayden has his moments, but I think that makes us better parents, learning as we go! 

I am really hoping to make blogging more a part of my routine.  I love writing about my boys and sharing our moments with all of you.  I have had lots of ideas for things to write about: Christmas, Coupons, "Go Ask Your Mom" -- Honestly, I just need a list most of the time in order to remember my thoughts :)

I am Thankful ...

We have had a very trying year.  So many times this year, I have felt like once we stand up, we get knocked back down by something.  This is a part of life, living with the hard times and learning to deal.  I feel like I could go on and on about the negative things in our life, but at some point, you have to put that negativity away and find the positivies.  Eventually, the negative will just weigh a person down where they feel like they can't get back up.  I have had an emotional weekend thinking about how lucky we are despite all that negative.
* We had a tornado hit our house in May.  The main damage was to a couple out buildings and a grain bin that were located on the back of our property.  Everything was a mess and the grain bin actually ended up in the field across the road.  BUT - Our house, by the grace of God, was spared (minus the patio doors being blown open).  Some people lose everything, clothes, pictures, toys, beds - and we are fortunate to have never missed a night in our own home.
* After a long fair week (which is a CRAZY busy time for our office), I was coming home from work and was hit by a semi.  I was 28 weeks pregnant with our sweet little boy, who we had already named Hunter.  It was a very scary ordeal and the very thought of possibly losing our little angel makes me tear up.  I am so thankful to have been transported to a hospital that was able to care for Hunter, who made his grand entrance via emergency c-section and weighing in at 2 lbs. 13 oz.  Fear of every kind washed threw me during those months.  BUT - We met some amazing people from our time with Hunter in the NICU and I can never say enough wonderful things about the nursing staff at St. Elizabeth East.  We hope to stay in touch with them and stop in for visits when we can because without their great care, we might not have the greatest gift of all - our son.  We also have a happy healthy baby boy that is loved tremendously by his big brother.  He is growing and I am sure will soon be trying to keep up with Hayden!  We also were able to get a new car (out of necessity, but much better for our family of four).  I also have a deeper appreciation for my family.  They cared for Hayden and me and prayed for our boy. 
* I work for the Newton County Extension Office and this year, the county has had to reevaluate the budget.  I am thankful that my job was spared for the time being.  In a year or so, I might not be able to say that, but TODAY I am thankful.  Beyond thankful for having insurance and wonderful co-workers!  Some people are not as fortunate to have a steady source of income.  Some people do not have insurance.  We do, for TODAY, and for that I am thankful!!
* Our recent issue is not as serious as the top ones, but we had a problem with our septic tank.  We got it fixed with relative ease.  It could have been much worse, which some people I am sure experienced. 

See, it's easy to have a pity party for yourself and get down on the negative. Thanksgiving is a wonderful to evaluate the many blessings in one's life and I feel beyond blessed this year.  We have a warm home, steady income, two beautiful boys, and we love each other (most of the time :) ).  Everyone should take a minute and try to put a positive spin on something "bad" that has happened.  Right here in our own community, we have people that are worse off, I am sure.  So many people have lost their parents, siblings, spouses, or children.  Some people are battling cancer EVERYDAY and with them, there families are too.  To those people, I have a world of things to say thank you for, and so should you.  And remember, God hears our prayers, so say a prayer for those that need to feel his presence in their lives. 

World Premature Day and Our Sweet Premie

Yesterday, November 17 was World Prematurity Day.  It is meant to raise awareness of the many families that are touched by prematurity.  Even though my situation wasn't such that I went into random premature labor or had a baby with a defect or preexisting condition, we had a baby 3 months early.  Nothing you can ever read and nothing you can ever say can prepare you for the moment when you find out you are bringing a life into the world too early.  I never once thought about the fact that I might deliver my baby early.  Even on the ambulance ride to JCH, I was thinking about the fact that I would probably be off for a couple days and everything would be fine.  But, the realization that I was in labor slowly sank in.  I was scared, so very very scared.  Babies aren't supposed to be born at 28 weeks.  I was so confident in my doctor and the fabulous nurse that I had, but I still wasn't sure what we were getting into.  Would his lungs be okay? Would he have serious issues?  I had a million questions, but thankfully, not a lot of time to really allow any of it to soak in.  Before I knew it, he was here and he was trying to cry!  The sound still was so sweet to me.  My sweet baby was showing me he was a fighter.  We began on such an adventure, taking it hour by hour at first - then day by day ... Until he was growing steadily and was working on eating well.  Hunter had one dose of serfactin shortly after he was born.  And what a fabulous medicine it is.  He was breathing well on his own and only needed a ventilator for a  little tiny bit.  Despite the scariness, and total lack of control over the situation, it turned out so much better than most people's experience.  We can celebrate our premie and his being healthy and growing.  We are so lucky where some are not.  Our lives have not been easy, but we have so much to be thankful for. Each smile, each peaceful look make me understand how special our baby is.  Today, he is 4 months old.  He has been with us for 4 months - and our lives have changed so much. We went from traveling back and forth to Lafayette everyday for 8 weeks to having him home and not really getting out, to now, trying to get into a routine with me back to work and him being watched by someone else.  I continue to be amazed at his developing personality and LOVE watching him grow.  Say a prayer tonight for the many families are that sitting in NICUs all over watching over their babies.  Say a prayer tonight for the families that aren't able to take their babies home.  Even when things seem bad, someone else is worse.  And that is why we say thank you for our angel every day.  What great plans God has.

The Mystery of Family Genetics ...

Perhaps one of the neatest things about being pregnant is wondering what your child will look like.  I can remember looking at my sister when I was pregnant with Hayden and actually saying out loud, "I am so afraid that my baby is going to an ugly baby!" I know NOW that it wouldn't matter what my child looked like, I would think that they were the most precious baby in the world.  I also know that in the fear of the unknown, it was a legitamate concern!  I mean, who hasn't seen the Seinfeld episode "You gotta see the baby!"
Even though I feel like I have two of the MOST adorable children ever - I do wonder how they ended up with random bits and pieces of everyone.  This topic comes about because Tyson and I are sitting here looking at the RED hair that Hunter is growing!  RED!  Where in the world did he come up with RED hair?!  Anyone in either family want to help me out?  I know that my brother (who Hunter looks a lot like) has red in his beard when he grows it. It's so hard to believe that our two children are so much different.  I mean, Hayden is blond, as blond as blond can be.  And even though people say that he looks like me (and in some ways he does), he looks a lot like Tyson's baby pictures.  Hunter looks NOTHING like Hayden, looking more like my brother than anyone. Tyson just took a picture of him on his phone and said, "Oh Joshie Junior."  The boys are total opposites, but again, SO adorable.
One of the joys of being a mother is holding your baby for the first time and seeing who they are and looking at them and seeing those bits and pieces of where they came from.  The tiny noses and squinty eyes all developed from the people we know and love.  And even as they grow older, the wonderment never really stops. You realize they talk like you, or cough like their great grandpa, or have a cowlick exactly like their cousin.  Its amazing.  Hayden is 2 1/2 and just recently he has really started to look like a BIG kid, not a baby, not a toddler, but a kid.  He is tall and skinny and his feet are growing faster than he can wear out a pair of shoes.  And our sweet Hunter started so little that his chubbiness has changed him so much.  I can't wait to see how a couple years changes him.  Then, the mystery of their family genetics can continue.  And we can wonder where they get other unique family traits :)

Not So FLEETing ...

Our little Hunter has yet to have his FLEETing moment.  Tyson got home at lunchtime yesterday and volunteered (yes, VOLUNTEERED) to give him the goods.  Hunter was increasingly uncomfortable and starting to get pretty fussy, which is really unusual for him.  He was also not all that interested in eating, which bothered me.  The bottle said within 15 minutes to an hour you should see some resolution to the issue.  I then proceeded to leave.  My final words to my sister were, Hey, I gave him that suppository, so expect an explosion.  She is such a good sport, and a fabulous aunt because after the sarcastic, "Gee Thanks!" she stayed.  I was sure by the time I got home, there would be success and we could all breath a little easier, literally and figuratively!  We had nothing, and Hunter was cranky and was totally uninterested in having his 5 o'clock bottle.  I was trying not to panic, because I have some anxiety issues anyway.  After a phone call to my mother (who was vacationing on with her sisters in Florida) and the fabulous NICU staff, we decided we better make sure things were not kinked up or stuck.  I don't know that I would have worried quite so much had Hunter been a normal baby, but we were on Day 6!  Day 6 of all entrance and no exit.  My sister and her fiance were here to watch the boys and she stayed with me and we headed off to the ER.  So, my image of a relaxing evening at home with the three loves of my life, was totally shot.  A rushed call for back-up on Hayden, a run through McDonald's, a gas fill up, and we were off.  All to be told, "I really think we should give it some more time." Really?? REALLY??? "So I drove an hour and brought my premie into the germ filled Emergency Room for that?!"  The doctor proceeded to paint a lovely picture of what they could do to him, but that was followed by, "I don't generally recommend that."  The doctor's pleasent exam did produce a small amount, making our boy feel better I think.  I thought maybe they would say thanks for bringing him, get on out of here ... instead, "We prefer that you pay your co-pay prior to leaving the hospital."  For the small price of $150, I got some piece of mind, a wonderful visit with my sister, an ice cream treat, and a visit with some of the night-shift nurses in the NICU.  They loved seeing our big boy, who weighed in at 11 lbs 2 oz (but remember the back up issue for 6 days ...) and I loved seeing them.  So many of our nurses from the NICU kept me sane during our LOOONNG stay, and helped our angel get bigger and stronger. 

So, we are still waiting on the bomb, yet to be dropped.  They recommended leaving a towel under him in anticiaption.  I am guessing it's going to pop in the middle of the night, isn't that when all fabulous parenting things happen? :)

Any Medicine Called "Fleet"

Our sweet little premie is having some trouble.  And the doctor has prescribed a lovely medicine called FLEET.  I am sure you all know exactly what type of medicine this is.  Of course, not something you can just have the kid swallow and BAM a cure!  It's parent administered.  I am alone today, so this is NOT an adventure I am willing to take on myself.  What an exciting Saturday night we have ahead of us!  I mean, how much more romantic can you get than a nosy toddler, a cranky baby, and a capsule called FLEET!  I foresee the following happening:
Hayden prying his way between Tyson and I as we argue over who is going to draw the short straw.  Then, Hayden asking a hundred questions and commentating the whole thing. "Whatcha doing?  Are you giving him medicine?  Huntee, it's okay.  Mommy, I can try.  Daddy, is he sad?  What's that?  What are you doing with that? I need medicine, too."  I would guess that will only last until he realizes what we are doing.  Then, we spend the next hour waiting for the bomb to go off! 
Let's pray that while I am out this afternoon, Hunter resolves this issue on his own. Then, perhaps the romantic Saturday evening will take a different turn and my wonderful husband will happily change diapers while I sit back and relax!  Here's hoping!!