Bedtime ... Almost Ashamed

I know I should maybe be ashamed to write this post, but maybe I am more ashamed of not really being ashamed.  A while back, someone wrote about their bedtime drama and I thought, we definitely have that here! Hayden used to be an amazing little sleeper.  He would be down by 9 and sleep through the night until about 6 in the morning.  Then he turned 9 months old, and somehow we went backwards.  He was awake 1-2 times a night needing to be rocked.  So I would take him into the dark living room and rock him.  Then gently place him back in his crib and pray that he didn't wake up.  Now, believe me, I have read my fair share of parenting articles about how to get your child to sleep.  Awake, but drowsy - Follow a routine - Let them cry - Check on them, but don't touch.  We had tried it all.  And STILL, our sweet little boy would NOT sleep.  That is unless he was with us.  I swore I would NOT be that parent that let their kid sleep with them.  My perfect children would be in their own bed by 8 every night and I would have hours of me time before I went to bed.  My child is NOT perfect, he is wonderful in so many ways, but bedtime pushes my buttons.  Hayden sleeps with us.  We even had to size up to a King size bed so that we could all sleep comfortably.  For a long time, I had to lay with him until he fell asleep.  That was fixed and then we went away for 4 days to Las Vegas and BAM-I had to sit again.  I have recently reworked that again and he is going to sleep alone.  Until he got sick and I let him come into the livnig room because I didn't want him to puke in my bed.  Now, he tells me he has a tummy ache so that he can come into the living room.  And I just KNOW, the one night I leave him he will puke all over my bed.

We do the routine, bath, book, cuddle for 3 minutes, Mommy leaves.  Sometimes he cries (like tonight as I type this he is screaming) sometimes he just lays down and sleeps.  Most nights, he asks if he can sleep with some random toy, along with his "minky" (blanket).  Tonight, we have a bath (dry) whale and seal.  Tyson almost always removes them from our bed before he goes to sleep or tucks them under Hayden's pillow. 

I am not ashamed that my son sleeps with us.  I have actually come to like having all my chicks in my nest.  (No, Hunter does NOT sleep with us - but he is still in the bassinet in my room).  I like when there is a storm or a cold night that we are all together.  What I AM ashamed of is that some nights I don't get any down mommy time.  And sometimes I just want sit on the couch and do nothing. 

Sigh ... Turn up the TV a bit and focus on the TV show we have going ... I am demanding Mommy TIME!